Wisdom for a Daughter

Shall we re-write Proverbs?

Posted Saturday, September 30, 2006 by Sam Yeiter

My daughter is at an age and point of receptivity where I have begun to consider teaching her about wisdom. The automatic textbook that sprung to my mind is the book of Proverbs. I am wondering, however, if perhaps I need to do some rewriting. Read on if you dare (especially if you have a daughter!).

What I mean is this. Proverbs was written to a young man, and thus the examples and metaphors are written for a male. For example: Folly is an adulterous harlot trying to ensnare the young one. This doesn’t make quite as much sense when the young one is suddenly a girl. Wisdom is a woman that the young one ought to court and engage/marry as an appropriate lover. This becomes fairly disturbing when the young one is a girl (since I believe homosexuality is not only sin, but folly). Within this same context sensual enjoyment of the wife is encouraged.

As one moves further in Proverbs, it talks about how hard it is to find a good woman, and of how much value one is. Now certainly it is good for a girl to hear this, but certainly she should also hear how hard it is to find a worthy husband and of how much value he is. Don’t forget the passages that talk about the dripping of a nagging wife and the pleasant spot on the corner of the roof she encourages the man to visit. And finally, the girl, when she has slogged her way through the book, gets blasted with the impossible comparison and books her accommodations for a life-long guilt trip, courtesy of The Incredible Proverbs 31 Woman.

Obviously there is always a level of exegesis/hermeneutics and the application of scripture that needs to cross both cultural and gender boundaries, but the proverbs seem somehow different. When I read the passages about folly being a lady of the night, plying her wares, it seems as though there is very little work needing to be done to apply it to myself. I can basically read it as though it were written to me. A girl cannot do this. Should we re-write Proverbs? Try this on…

Proverbs 5:15-20 ¹⁵ Drink water from your own springs And fresh water from your own streams. ¹⁶ Should your cistern be dispersed abroad, Wells of water in the streets? ¹⁷ Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you. ¹⁸ Let your water tower be blessed, And rejoice in the husband of your youth. ¹⁹As a studly stag and a manly mustang, Let his pectorals (should this be biceps?) satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with his love. ²⁰ For why should you, my daughter, be exhilarated with an adulterer, and embrace the pecs (or biceps) of a foreigner?

I don’t actually plan to do this, but I wanted to say that I think fathers of boys have it easier when it comes to teaching wisdom from the Proverbs. Also, I am curious if anyone thinks such a re-write (assuming the daughter understands that is a re-write, and that it is done seriously) has any place or value in the instruction of young girls.

Monday, October 02, 2006 1:02 PM

Brian wrote:

Sam,

Perhaps you are expressing a misunderstanding of how to apply the Proverbs.You suggest that it might be helpful to regender Proverbs 5:15-20 so that it can be applied to your daughter. If we do this we are trying to apply the proverb as though it were a specific truth or command that should be binding in her life. But the proverbs are not rules that can be followed. We tie ourselves in knots if we try to do this.

Consider Proverbs 26: 4-5

4 Answer not a fool according to his folly,
lest you be like him yourself.
5 Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.

You cannot apply both of these at the same time, but how do you tell the difference? You use wisdom, and that is the point of Proverbs. The proverbs are meant to teach wisdom –not to be a set of rules so you can stay out of trouble and live a long life. The key ingredient of wisdom is being able to perceive the patterns of wisdom and foolishness around us…and even in us.

I am going through Proverbs with my sons each night before we turn out their light pray together. I have done this in the past, but had let this time lapse from our daily routine. I started in again when I realized the influence the neighborhood kids were having on my sons. I want them to recognize foolishness so they don’t become like their friends. So I am trying to teach them discernment as we read the proverbs.

The proverbs provide tools for discussing behavior that is much more sophisticated than “Doing this is good, but doing that is bad.” It allows me to talk with them about the way that people make choices and what can come from those choices. Ultimately, I want them to recognize foolishness in themselves. I admit this goal is sorely tested when we come to one in which foolishness characterizes me. I wish that happened less often, but I am unwilling to stop our pursuit of wisdom. Besides, they do get to witness me humbling myself, and that example has value—even as gracelessly as I have done it. Each night I am becoming more thoroughly convinced that this teaching of wisdom is the inescapable necessity for my sons to lead Godly lives. A proper application of the proverbs enables our children to recognize patterns of foolishness and wisdom in the world. Turning the proverbs into a list of rules or scenarios is too cumbersome to be any help to them. They need flexible discernment to make choices in this ever-changing world. Thankfully the Proverbs are useful for training in Godliness –that is: wisdom.

Monday, October 02, 2006 2:28 PM

Sam wrote: missing the point, not misunderstanding

Brian...I'm ashamed of you...thinking that I think of the proverbs as rules...shame, shame, shame! I know you're very focused on how we read scripture these days, but what I am getting at is the psychology involved in our reading and application of scripture. For the most part scripture is written with a male audience...and so we are more likely to identify with it more readily. This is especially true of a book like Proverbs where its all about men (given the audience of the autograph - or first telling if rendered orally).

I agree with much of what you say in your comment, however. And thanks for catching the equine misgendering!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006 9:55 AM

Brian wrote: "Proverbs Rule!" instead of "Proverb Rules."

Yeah. I know you better than that.

“Rules” is a bit too strong for the kind of application you are attempting, but changing the text of a proverb to make it more applicable troubles me.

In your example passage the motivation for purity seems very masculine. The water imagery has to do with stewardship of your own possessions. Dispersing your water in the streets has to do with squandering your life energy – as in child support.

Changing the text of the proverb so that it applies directly to your daughter necessarily distorts the responsibilities of a mother and father. In this proverb you can see the folly of a man who has scattered his waters abroad (sowing his wild oats? Maybe it is more overtly sexual than I perceived). This foolish man will squander his life multiple broken relationships because of his foolishness.

To apply this proverb for your daughter, you can say, “This is the kind of man you will get if you enter into a promiscuous relationship with him.” This remains true to the text, and it enables her to identify the kind of man with whom she may have a good life.

Friday, October 13, 2006 8:31 AM

Charlie wrote: This is an excellent question, Sam. I have not been ignoring you, but I was just pondering it myself. There is no doubt that Proverbs is geared for a male audience, and that will be the place where it has the greatest authority. But perhaps a way forward is to think about what wisdom is and how Proverbs work. The general idea of proverbs is that they tell how things work, based on Torah and real life experience. Wisdom is putting our knowledge into everyday practice. So as we teach our daughters (mine just stares at me and either smiles or cries at the moment, though!) we can teach them wisdom by showing why things are wise. Things are wise based both on the Word of God, when relevant, and on practical experience. I've learned things in the ministry, for example, that are wise to do, not so much from the Bible, but from my experience. What I want to teach my daughter (eventually) is to teach her how to get wisdom, both from observing the Bible and the things around her in the world. After all, this is largely what Proverbs itself does. It derives proverbs from Torah as well as from practical experience. So while we cannot say things like "Proverbs says we should do ... if we are wise," we can say "Doing ... is the kind of thing that is wise based on the example of Proverbs." But I'm just rambling now. Overall, I think that it would not bother me to paraphrase the proverbs for a different context, as long as the level of authority went down a little.